My Best Friend.... My Hero.... My Angel

Hello world. I have been M.I.A. again, for what seems to be the hundredth time. You are all probably thinking (those of you who have been faithful enough to stick around during my long silences) what the heck happened THIS time? To put it short – a major life changing event took place in March – March 1^st to be exact. 

Without going in to too much detail about the events that transpired, my father passed away from a sudden illness on March 26^th.  This is the first time I’ve actually sat down and put my thoughts together enough to write them all out.  Since this blog is very public, I am going to keep a lot of it to myself, but for those who are curious, it was a lung disease.  We are still waiting on the final report from the doctor to know exactly what it was, for genetic purposes so my siblings and I can be careful.

While the possibility of it being genetic lingering around, it could also be an environmental factor.  My father was a firefighter/lieutenant with the Woodrow Volunteer Fire Department for 17 years.  He also worked refrigeration for a long time before becoming a paramedic.  Those are two very high risk jobs where he was breathing in some of the most awful things that could tear a person’s lungs up.  Let’s just say, we are anxiously awaiting the call from his pulmonologist. 

There is so much to this story and what happened during those short 26 days that at the time, seemed like a lifetime.  Eventually I will map it all out and write it down, but with it only being May, the wound still seems too fresh to do that.

He would be turning 55 next Saturday, May 18^th.  While he was only on this earth a short time, he impacted so many around him, from his children, his wife and other family, to those he worked with at the fire department and EMS station.  He was an instructor for EMS for several years, and seeing some of the students he taught years ago at the funeral spoke volumes on how highly he was favored by those who came into his life.  I always knew my father was an amazing man, but the day of the funeral was an awesome awakening.  We were the third vehicle in line behind the funeral escort and ambulance (he was transported by that, not a hearse) and I looked back and saw just how long the procession was.  If dad had been around to see that, he would’ve been blushing.

For anyone that knew my father and saw my interaction with him would say that my attitude was just like him.  It used to bug me when people would say that.  Not that I didn’t want to be like him, but I felt like I needed to be my own person.  Now when my mom tells me I flashed a certain expression that he always did, or said something that sounded like him, I’m proud.  He was my best friend.

For now, that’s all I have in me to write about right now.  Maybe one day I can sit and write out what transpired in March of 2013, up until my dad was called home.  I just can’t do it right now.  This is my short explanation of why I’ve been on hiatus from my writing.  I’m slowly creating “new normal” that I’ve got to get used to.    

Now it’s time for a cliché line, but you knew it was coming – Love those around you. Cherish every second you have with them.  One day you will wake up and only have those memories of things you once shared, and if you loved like crazy, laughed, and always let your feelings be known to the other, the memories will bring a smile to your face. 

What keeps me strong is knowing that Daddy is always with me. I’ve seen subtle signs reminding me of that, as well as him letting me know that he is okay.  I will see him again one day.  His passing was not a goodbye – it was a see you later. 

I hope you are all doing well! Happy spring…. and may you all be blessed. J

Cheesy Thoughts

This evening I’ve taken the time to just sit back and think about things. It has truly been a cozy evening.  I have a pecan pie scented candle lit, my feet are kicked up, I’m relaxed, and I have Pandora shuffling music on my TV. Life is good, right?

That leads me to my next point.  I have recently fallen back into a negative state of mind.  I hate when I go through that phase, and yes, it can be avoided.  Life just seemed to be happening – from issues with my truck, to frustrations at work, to whatever the case may be at that point in time.  Then a wake up call happened – The shooting in Newtown, Connecticut.  I’m not going to get into a full discussion about it, but it was a shove into reality for me.  My problems seemed VERY insignificant compared to what the people of that town were going through.  My truck got fixed (it was just a busted water pump), work frustrations are blessings in disguised… I mean, after all, I could very well not have a job and no income, right?  It’s sad that it takes someone else’s tragedy to make me realize it, but at the moment, things really aren’t that bad, regardless of how I may view situations.

The holiday season should bring the best out in people.  After work today, I stopped off at the grocery store to pick up some things for our Christmas dinner.  A sweet elderly woman was slowly moving down an aisle, and each person she passed, she smiled and told them Merry Christmas.  It warmed my heart so much.  On the flip side of the coin, I could have gotten frustrated with her for not moving faster and being in the way, but I took a moment to see and hear her joy.  Most people responded with positivity. 

It is going to be a small Christmas for us this year. My brother and his family came down for Thanksgiving.  I’m thankful for the wonderful family I do have, and even though we won’t have a house full for this holiday, at least we do have a home to gather in.  We will have a turkey (which I got free as a gift from my place of employment), all of the sides, and amazing desserts (one recipe I’m trying for the first time!)

I guess searching for blessings was heavy on my heart tonight.  There’s been so much sadness in the news lately that I had to get my mind on something else.  I have amazing friends, some far away and some close by, some I’ve never met in person, and some who I have known for years.  As I look at a shelf near me, I see all of the Christmas cards that were sent to me this year.  It’s full of various styles, colors, and pictures with personalized messages inside them for me.  I mailed out a big stack myself, and as I placed stamps on each one, I didn’t think about all of the postage I had to pay for – I thought about all of the great people I was sending each one to and how I’m glad I went through a ton of stamps to mail them all out. 

I recently had a conversation with a new friend I found through my writing.  Without even really “knowing” me, they helped me out just by their kind words and positive attitude.  I jokingly posted a picture of some candy that looked like coal that was in my stocking at work.  Just as I would expect, they responded and said that eventually it becomes a diamond.  I hope one day I can get to the point that with whatever response I have, it will always be positive like that. That has spurred up another thought in my head.  A couple of years ago I was walking the Texas Tech campus with a friend and he pointed out all of the beautiful flowers around the school.  I responded with “They’re just gonna die anyway.” Looking back on that memory, I have to laugh.  I don’t know what I was thinking when I said that.  He was trying to admire the hard work the Texas Tech groundskeepers put into it, and I just let that spew out of my mouth without a second thought.  I’m glad I don’t do that now.

I guess the main point of this blog entry is trying to find positive in everything.  That pile of dishes in the sink? At least you are blessed with food to cause that dreaded chore that I avoid like the plague.  The busted water pump on your pickup? Hey, you have a vehicle to drive.  That 6AM alarm blaring when you’re dead asleep?  You’ve got a job to go to and a steady income, and though it isn’t making you rich in the least bit, at least you have something.  So many others aren’t as fortunate. 

I want to wish all of you a happy holiday season.  May the New Year bring you love, happiness, and good fortune.  Keep that chin up! I know, I know… I need to take my own advice! 

Making Your Own Happiness

           

(To see full blog entry, click to open the entire post!)        


      I’m sitting here listening to a Jillian Michaels podcast and I have to say, I really enjoy what she talks about.  This particular one was titled “The Power of Forgiveness.” The podcast is about 45 minutes long, and they cover other things during this time as well.  I have to be honest and say that I wasn’t one to jump on the Jillian bandwagon at first.  About a year ago I tried doing her 30-day shred workout and was not a fan at all.  Don’t get me wrong, the workout got me sweating and probably would be helpful, but I’m not in agreement that you need to work out 7 days a week.  I believe you need to take a few days to allow for muscle repair. 

            Anyway, I’m rambling, but if you’re a reader of my blogs, you know that I tend to get off on tangents! Well, I will now admit that I’m on the Jillian Michaels bandwagon.  Not only is she a fitness guru, but her podcasts are insightful.  She has some awesome blogs to read. I even downloaded an app on my phone that has some of her recipes, workout moves, and other blogs. I love her honesty.  She’s blunt, she speaks her mind, and she gives respect to receive it.  She has overcome a lot of obstacles and is a powerhouse in the fitness world now. 

            To get on topic with this blog, I just have to say that I’ve been working out consistently, 5 days a week for 1-2 hours, for a month now.  I’ve been seeing minor results… nothing too ground breaking, but that’s not really the point.  I’ve seen a lot of positive changes in my mood, for one thing.  During and after a workout I feel very euphoric.  I’m very happy, and even after I’m finished I feel like I have so much energy where I can just continue to do physical activity all day.  Studies have shown that when a person is on a regular workout regime, that it doesn’t just positively affect their physicality.  It is also a psychological benefit and helps many people with depression, anxiety, and low self esteem.  Today really proves that.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays I usually don’t work out.  Those are my days to take a break since school really wears me out. I do get a good walk in between my classes and walking back to my car.  I have to park in a commuter lot that’s far away. 

Anyway, today I was very cranky.  I couldn’t put my finger on why I was in such a sour mood… and then it occurred to me… I haven’t worked out.  I think fitness is becoming my anti depressant again.  I say again because I’ve always been an athlete, but in the past few years I haven’t worked out quite as much as I should have.  In high school I participated in cross country running, basketball, and golf – and contrary to what some believe, golf IS a sport, especially how we played it in high school. We were not allowed to use carts and we had to carry our bags… for 18 holes. Sometimes I felt I got a better workout in with that than with the cross-country running.  Now that I’m back on track and really working my body, It’s craving that physical challenge everyday.  Today it didn’t get it, and my brain is having a “WTF” moment! If I wasn’t a believer in exercise making you happy before, this would definitely be a game changer.  I’m living proof that it does. 

Even if huge physical results aren’t being shown just yet, the benefits are outweighing the costs for me.  I’ve been happier, I feel better, and my energy level has increased.  I’m sleeping well at night and I know that my health is slowly but surely getting better.  It takes one step at a time.

 I saw a really awesome picture that said, “A year from now you’ll wish you had started today.”  Remember that every journey begins with a single step, no matter what you are out there to accomplish and conquer.