2012 In Review!

2012 is coming to an end. In true blogging fashion, I try and write out a year in review and map out the previous 12 months, highlighting and low lighting events that have transpired in my life.  As most years go, it was full of its ups and downs. No shocker there.  And also in true J.R. fashion, I’m glad to see 2012 go. Not that it was a “bad” year, per say, but just like everything, life moves on and we must continue to go forth and prosper. 

January was a big month – It was the start of my FINAL semester as an undergraduate student.  I went into 2012 not fully knowing how the year was going to end.  For the first time in my life, I didn’t have it all planned out.  I didn’t know where my education would take me, if I’d stay in my hometown, or if I’d move far away.  My general plan was to go where the jobs were.  It was an unsettling feeling, but at the same time, accomplished in knowing that I was just a few short months away from finally finishing up a Bachelor’s Degree at an amazing university. 

The semester progressed and I found myself taking in more of the campus, stopping to appreciate the beautiful architecture, the beautiful job the groundskeepers do, and just the overall feel of campus life.  Most students can’t wait to finish up and move on.  I could feel it deep inside that I was going to miss it terribly.  Call me crazy, but I love sitting in an academic setting, having conversations with very intelligent people on subjects I find particularly interesting.  There were a few things I wouldn’t miss – the presentations we had to give in front of a class of tons of students, the long and excruciating reading assigned to us (let’s face it, academic reading can be very mundane, even if it is an interesting topic).

March came, and I enjoyed my last spring break as a free woman.  With it came our usual storm season, which leads to a major storm that came and turned my life upside down in April.  I was a few weeks away from graduation – on the fast track to finally finishing everything up.  It was April 29^th, the night before my ring ceremony where I’d be rewarded with the official Texas Tech Class Ring that I wear with pride.  It was a Sunday – I didn’t do much that day.  I remember the weather reports calling for stormy weather, but here in Texas in April, you tend to expect that anyway.  Around 7PM I went out on my front porch (this was back when I lived out in the country) and took in the weather.  I used to go out and write on my porch or just get fresh air.  The sky was dark and the humidity was thick.  Still nothing out of the ordinary for Texas in April.  I began to track a system that formed to the southwest of us.  By the path the Doppler showed and all the other ingredients with a storm, it looked to probably go just west and north of us, only skimming us.  I was a bit disappointed in it.  We needed rain.  The air began to get quite chilly (an indicator of hail) and I took the computer in to warm up. 

Not five minutes after I got in, my phone blew up with text messages and phone calls about the storm.  My mother urged me to get out of my home.  (No basement or cellar to take cover) I was apprehensive at first.  I had checked the weather and saw with my own eyes that it wasn’t coming toward us.  I chalked it up to my mom worrying about me, as a mother should.  However, my dad called and even people on Facebook alerted me to take cover, that we had tornado warnings all around us.  The storm had shifted southeast and was coming right toward my community.  I grabbed my dog, put him on a leash, and we left all of our belongings behind and ran over to my aunt’s house next door.  She also does not have a basement or cellar, and at first wasn’t taking the warnings seriously.  After several more calls and texts, she was finally convinced to go down the street to my uncle’s house where a basement was available to take cover in.

 She had a friend at her house and rather than wait, I ran down to the other house. My poor dog didn’t want to run.  I had to drag him.  I could hear hail in the distance crashing around.  It sounded like loud thuds that still echo in my mind.  We all got to my uncle’s house just in time.  Hail as large as softballs got heavier.  I could see a funnel cloud just north of the house moving up and down with each lightning flash. By this time it was completely dark outside.  We lost electricity.  My phone was our only way of telling what the weather was doing.  To make a long story short, the damage was “bad”, but definitely could’ve been worse.  My uncle’s sunroom got torn up.  The skylights got busted out and the room was under about 3 inches of water.  My house lost 5 windows and my car was completely totaled.  I don’t think anyone in my neighborhood had a roof that wasn’t totaled.  What matters most is that we were all protected.  Items were damaged and lost, but at least our lives weren’t. 

I’ll never forget that night.  What bugs me most is that I’m usually awesome at tracking weather, but even professional meteorologists were thrown off guard by the weather activity of April 29^th.  For the longest time after, I was squeamish with severe weather.  I can still hear the hail shattering things, and even in a brick house it was a deafening sound.  With the help of family, we pulled through.  My dad came over the next day and helped me patch up the glass until we could replace it.  The National Weather Service was calling for a same pattern for that night, so we had to move quickly. Thankfully, they were wrong and it was a calm evening.  The day after that, we bought glass to replace what had been broken.  We spent most of the day out in the heat, patching it all up to make the place livable again. 

I was without a vehicle for almost 2 weeks, and with finals coming up, I was stressed to the hilt.  Like everything, it worked out well and I was blessed to get into a much stronger and better vehicle than what I had before.  I had wanted to get out of that small car and into another pickup, and that’s exactly what I did.  It was God’s blessing in disguise. 

Hail damage on hood of car. The entire car looked like this... 

2 of the 5 windows damaged on my house

Telephone pole split on FM 41 just west and south of where I lived 

Uncle's damaged skylight

"Small" hail from that night 

     May came and that meant graduation.  I passed my courses with flying colors and made a 4.0 for my final semester.  My goal was dean’s list, but I made the president’s list, which was even better.  I was so proud.  I finished with an overall GPA of 3.7, making me a Cum Laude graduate.  My family came to the ceremony – even my nieces and nephew.  The commencement took a long time.  I felt so awesome walking into the United Spirit Arena decked out in my graduation cap, gown, and stole.  I was an “official” RED RAIDER.  It was a very emotional day for me.  I was so hyped up that I did it, but it was sad too.  It was time to find a job and get out there in the real world.  My days as a student on the Texas Tech campus had come to a halt. 

My official class ring

That evening we had a graduation party at my parent’s house.  Tons of family came over and offered there congrats and gifts.  We had a cake, BBQ, and great company.  What more could I have wanted?  It was perfect.  I was fulfilled.  I had reached one of my goals that I had set for myself as a young child – I –always- wanted to be a Texas Tech grad, and the ring on my finger proved that I had done it.  The diploma I worked so hard for proved it. 

One thing I knew was that I needed a job, and soon.  I’m not one to like to sit around at home for too long.  I had already put out several applications long before I even graduated.  I started to apply for even more.  I figured the more I put my name out, the better my chances would be.  By the end of May, I hadn’t heard a thing from any of the places I had applied.  I started to feel down on my luck and worried about my finances.  I swallowed my pride and applied at a day care.  I swore I’d never go back to day care, but I needed income.  I got a job instantly and began working, but told myself I’d continue to search for something else.  This would just be something to do until something better fell into my lap. 

In the middle of July I got a call from Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center (Texas Tech Medical School) asking for me to come in for an interview.  I honestly didn’t even remember what job it was – I had applied at so many places that it all ran together.  Of course I said yes to going in.  The first interview went well and I had a good feeling.  A few days later they called me for a second interview.  The next day, they were calling to offer me the job.  It is in a Family Practice Clinic within the health sciences center that allows medical students to do their residency to get board certified. I’m what I call a utility player in doing a lot around the clinic.  It is a state job and I have the best benefits I’ve ever had. There is a lot of longevity in the job, and I’m hoping to work my way up the ladder with them.  The opportunity came at the right time, and I’m blessed to be given the chance that I have.

Since then, I’ve just been living life.  We had a great Thanksgiving.  My brother and his clan came down and some of my aunts and uncles came over to spend it in my parent’s new house.  That is one thing I forgot to mention.  In April they moved into a much nicer house. 

Another highlight was scoring George Strait tickets to his final tour – The Cowboy Rides Away Tour! He will be kicking off the tour right here in Lubbock on January 18^th. I was dead set on going since it is quite possibly the last time he’ll be in concert.  My brother in law found a code that allowed us to purchase them a day early, which is a good thing, seeing as the concert sold out in a record 20 minutes!

Christmas was a small one.  My brother was unable to come down and my sister spent most of her time with her in-laws since Thanksgiving was with my folks.  All in all, it was good since I was with family.  It snowed and we had a white Christmas, which I would’ve been much more excited about if I didn’t have to drive home that night. 

I wish you all a wonderful 2013! Ready or not, here it comes. I can’t say what it’ll hold for me, but I pray we all have more highlights than low lights.  Bring on the new year and bring on many blessings! 

Perseverance !!

            

          Wow, looking at my blog, it’s been since May that I’ve posted an update. So much has happened in just these few short months.  The most important is my graduation from Texas Tech University! It took me awhile, but I finally did it! There’s been lots of life changing things I’m in the middle of doing right now as well.  To make a long story short, life has been going my way.  I’m truly blessed to be where I’m at right now.

            After graduation, I felt sad.  Yeah, I’m admitting that.  What kind of person is depressed after such an accomplishment?  That person is me! Believe it or not, it’s common to sort of mourn graduation.  I did some research and many graduates go through stages sort of what people go through when they experience death close to them.  Weird, right? I thought so, too, but since I actually experienced it first hand, I’m a believer now. 

            The days shortly after graduation were depressing.  I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I would wake up and actually feel a loss in my life.  I knew the job hunting had to commence, but I felt uninspired.  I just knew I’d end up back doing jobs I did before even being in school, and that really made me upset.  I don’t know how people can sit around at home with nothing to do.  I thought I’d be okay, but after a few days, I was driving myself insane! I didn’t want to spend money in fear of how long I’d be without a job, and the walls around me got so old.

            I had been applying for jobs since March but had no bites.  I continued to put tons of applications out.  I knew the more I got my name out, the better it’d be, but I went through some hard times.  I felt discouraged.  I found myself angry and cynical at people – all right after a time I should’ve been happiest for finally achieving my goal of having a degree from a university I’ve dreamt about going to my whole life. 

            I was tired of not having income, so at the end of May I broke down and applied at a preschool.  I got the job almost instantly and kept telling myself that while it’s not what I want to do, it’s an income and it’s giving me something to do.  I told myself I’d continue to put out applications and actively search for something better.  I continued to get rejection emails and snail mail.  Each generic response put me deeper into a hole. 

            In the middle of July, I had a voicemail on my phone from Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center to schedule an interview.  To keep this short and to the point, after two interviews and more of a waiting game, I got the job.  I’m currently on my fourth week there, and things are finally starting to click in. 

            I guess the main idea of this blog post is to persevere and keep trying.  The economy is bad right now. Jobs are few and far between.  It’s normal for graduates to have to revert back to jobs they had before completing their degrees.  Bide your time, keep trucking and applying, and eventually a better opportunity will come along.  I’m the last person to say be positive, because I generally can be pessimistic, but this whole experience since May has really been an eye opener and I feel I’m becoming a better person because of it.  Even though I felt discouraged, I continued to plug away.  I’ve even had phone calls since accepting this job, and sadly, have also received rejection letters that I just toss aside and think nothing of. 

            So now I can say that I have a degree from Texas Tech University, and am also working for the great institution at their Medical School.  I owe all of my glory to God.  Through Him, I persevered.  I allowed him to lead me down the path he wanted me to go down, and things are becoming so much better.

            I’m also in the process of moving.  Labor Day weekend is my move in date! 

            Life is good, things are great.  And to all of you who check in for book updates – I’m about half way through a new idea of a story I’m hoping many will like.  I barely started the idea a month ago, and the muse is really flowing.  It’s an idea I’ve toyed around with for a long while, and it finally begged to be written.

            Happy reading to all, and God bless you! 

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

2011 has come and gone, and while it wasn’t all that bad of a year, I’m glad to say goodbye to it.  I’ve had some good things happen in this year, and compared to 2009 and 2010, I think my family was long overdue for a somewhat good year. 

As some of you know, in 2009 I lost my grandma and my Pepa.  In 2010 I lost my Mema.  As 2011 came along, the family was still grieving over losing three people in the matter of a year and a half.  I remember just a few years ago, priding myself on still having three of my grandparents.  I blinked and suddenly they were gone.  The reason I bring this up is because in 2011, I feel that my family has split apart.  One of my Mema’s biggest fears was the family going their separate ways once she was gone, and low and behold, it’s happening.  I’ve been stuck in the middle of a lot of drama that I shouldn’t have been.  There have been arguments, petty disputes, and situations I really wish I didn’t have to hear about.  It has completely changed me as a person, and throughout the past few months, I have felt myself withdrawing from certain people, and I really hate being that way. However, if it means keeping the drama out of my life, I’m going to do it, because I have better things to do and other things to accomplish in bettering myself. I know this happens with all families, and I just wish things would stop. 

I’ve even had people tell me what I can and can’t post on the internet in regard to my grandparents.  All four of my grandparents were amazing people.  They said, did, and accomplished things I could only dream of doing.  A lot of what I’m saying here in this blog is what my cousin recently said in a letter that she mailed to all of us, and as I read it, I felt as if she was reading my mind.  I couldn’t have agreed with her more.  If something one of them said could teach and change someone’s life, I’m going to post it.  If I feel that it helps me cope with their passing, I’m going to post it.  Sometimes putting their quotes or sayings on the internet is a way of honoring them, not exposing them.  I really am not happy with the fact that someone feels like they have a right to tell me what I can and can’t say on my personal Facebook account, on my blog, or anywhere for that matter. 

The bickering and fighting that my family has endured in 2011 has made me want to pack up and get out of here for a while.  I hate the fact that I’m feeling like I’m being chased off, but until things change, it’s going to stay that way.  I love it where I live.  I’m out in the country where it’s quiet, but I’m also a safe distance away from a good-sized city.  But since all of this has happened, each day it’s getting easier for me to say goodbye.  As I’ve said, I’ve already pulled away from a lot of family. 

But, to try and be positive, a lot of good things have happened in 2011 as well.  I was declared a degree candidate with Texas Tech University and filed my intent to graduate for May of 2012.  For the fall semester of 2011 I made the Dean’s List and finished with a 3.75 GPA. My goal going in to the semester was to make the list, so I was more than thrilled when I found out that I had accomplished it. 

In April I went down to San Antonio to take part in the last Friday Night Lights screening for Gridiron Heroes, a charity for football players who have suffered spinal cord injuries.  I got to mingle and hang out with the cast, and it is a night I will never forget.  In May, I participated in a celebrity golf tournament in Bastrop, TX, which helps The Buoniconti Fund to cure Paralysis.  It was hard work out in the Texas heat, but it was worth every second.  I got on a first name basis with Kyle Chandler, an actor that I have been following since I was eight years old and first saw in the movie Pure Country with George Strait. It was surreal to hear him call me out by name. I also got to meet other celebrities, and the majority of the people there were amazing. I hope to get to do it again next year, but with graduation around the date that the tournament is, it’s quite iffy.  I’ll know more as the date nears.

The summer of 2011 for Texas wasn’t the best.  We set several records for heat and had the worst drought in history.  Many old timers were comparing it to the dust bowl days.  I have lived here my whole life, and I’ve never seen it as dry as it was.  I have never seen so many wild fires either.  God bless all of the men and women who are out there, most volunteer, who have had to fight these horrible fires.  In October we experienced a haboob that was over 7,000 feet high.  I watched it roll in, and honestly, was pretty scared.  I usually don’t get scared with stuff like that. 

2011 has been pretty good for my books as well.  I published Through Smoke in February and Dance With the Devil in November.  For the month of December, they both had record-breaking sales and great exposure.  I hope to carry on that success through 2012. 

I have gained new friends and lost others.  Many people have wronged me, and I’m sure I’ve wronged others as well.  One thing that I have really learned is that there is no weakness in forgiveness.  But, on the other side of the coin, I may forgive, but I certainly won’t forget!

2011 wasn’t all that bad.  I know things could always be worse than they are, so I have to just keep thanking God for everything and remember that he is in control.  2012 is here.  Lot’s of big things coming up - Graduation in May, which means it’s time to finally get that career rolling.  It’s scary and exciting, all at the same time.

May you all have a wonderful 2012! 

Now That We're Here... It's So Far Away

This song is one that I've heard a few times, and it really puts in to words how I'm feeling about graduation and my schooling that is coming to a close.

            The fall semester for 2011 has come and gone.  For me, it’s been extremely bittersweet.  For it only being 4 months worth of school, studying, tailing it across a huge campus, and all of the other experiences that have happened in between, it moved fast and slow, all at the same time. 

            I honestly feel that I blinked and the semester was gone.  I remember in August thinking it was time to get the school year going so May would come and I could graduate and be done. Another year of school just seemed so long and excruciating.  I honestly did not realize that it would go so fast.  From where I’m sitting, I’ve got some mixed emotions going on.

            I don’t know where I’m going to be in the next five to six months.  A whole new chapter is going to emerge and I don’t really have a lot of control over it.  It’s an exciting feeling, but it’s also terrifying. I might not even stay here in the town where I’m at, or I could be really lucky and score a decent job and put roots down here. There’s just no way of knowing until I get out there and look at job availability.  School has been a major part of my life.  Let’s face it – I haven’t exactly been “the” traditional student.  I’m finally going to get my Bachelor’s Degree at the age of 27.  A “traditional” student generally gets one at 21-22.  I’ve been going on and off, and even had some part time semesters due to having to work. Sometimes I feel worthless about how long it has taken me, but I keep telling myself (and others have told me too) that at least I’m finishing something I’ve started. So, finishing school (finally) is definitely going to be a big deal for me. I have one more semester left, and if this past semester is any sign of how quickly things can go, I better strap myself in and prepare for the ride. 

            This semester, while taking the least amount of classes you can to still be classified as full time, has really tested me, not only on the academic front, but in other areas of life too.  I have made some new friends, came out of my shell more than usual, and even branched out and attended study groups.  I have never done that before in all the semesters I’ve attended college.  My confidence in my subjects and areas of interest has gotten much stronger.  My goal going in to this semester was to make the Dean’s List (GPA 3.5 – 3.9 required) and I did it!  However, I’m still sort of disappointed in myself.  I missed making the president’s list (4.0 gpa) by 7 points. Ouch.  It kinda stings!

            I mention making new friends.  Thinking back on things that happened, some of the memories aren’t ones I want to remember.  Let’s face it – we all need as many friends as we can in life.  Sometimes I wonder if my definition of friend is different than others views on the subject. To put it short, I have forgiven people who have done me wrong. I have learned that forgiving sometimes is even better for you than it is for the other person. Praying and having a relationship with Jesus and God has really helped me in these matters as well. With faith, anything is possible, even forgiving those who have done you wrong. 

            Anyway, I don’t want to seem negative.  All in all, it’s been a great, fast, and fun semester.  My classes were pretty good and I have met many amazing people from many diverse groups.  My mind is more open now.  Things that were so black and white before are now grey.  I see different point of views in matters when before, I had my belief and that was final.

            I can’t believe I only have one more semester left.  It is bittersweet.  Probably the most exciting, terrifying, amazing, and emotional experience of my life – I can say that I am doing something with my life that I’m damn proud of.  Being a Texas Tech graduate is something I have thought about since I was a little kid and I’m actually living my dreams right now. And as I said above, praying and keeping God and Jesus in my life has really pulled me through.  I couldn't do anything without having faith. 

            Guns up! 

Trust, Positivity, Saying Goodbye

            I have gotten behind on my blogging, and for the few who do read it, they are probably saying, “What’s new? You always do.” While I’m only taking 12 hours of courses this semester, it has been one of the most trying.  It is my senior year and I’m really busting my tail end to make the dean’s list and really take names during my last final weeks on the Texas Tech campus.

            Tonight, I’m really not sure what to write about, I just know that I need to.  Life has really come at me full force.  A quote that I have learned to live by in these past few weeks is:

“You gotta have bad days so you can appreciate the good ones.”

            I guess I can say that things really haven’t been that “bad.”  At least I can say that the good has outweighed the bad.  I’ve had a few people come into my life and really test my already fragile trust issues.  To put it mildly, I question why these people were even brought into my life, only to betray me and walk out as if it had never happened.  I questioned God and wanted to know WHY? I was flying so high and then found myself face first in the ground.  I started living with the belief that when I am happy, don’t get used to it, because something will come along like a whirlwind and blow it all away. Truth is, we will never understand why certain people come in and out of our lives.  God has a reason, even if it never makes sense to us.  There’s always a reason, and I need to remember that, even if it has left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I’ve spent a lot of time praying and soul searching.  Before this all happened, I was thriving – I was a strong woman who was becoming more positive and happy by the day.  I’ve prayed to God to allow me to get back to the person that I was before.  Why not just revert back to it?  I know it’s going to take time, but eventually I’ll get there.  As I have described it to others… I’m like a drug addict who relapsed back to my old negative ways and now I’ve gotta be strong to get over it and get back on track, away from this derailment that has turned my world upside down.  One thing that will take years is being able to trust again.  It’ll be hard to tear down that wall.

I can't make people be in my life who don't want to be.  All I want is a little kindness to at least have the closure.  Some people can't man up and do that, so I have to tell myself that it's God's way of exterminating the negativity out of my life.  I have to let Him be in the driver's seat and trust that he is leading me down the path I should be on.  Let go and let God. 

“Accentuate the positive.”

I need to focus on the good things in my life right now and forget about recent events.  Easier said than done, I know, but what makes a person strong is their ability to move forward and not forget their past, but push through and learn from it.  Chalk it all up to learning experiences.  I feel hypocritical. As I write this, I feel the pain drudging up from deep inside of me.  Sometimes it’s very hard to take your own advice.  What I need is someone to slap some sense into me.  Just a good, hard wake up call.  Snap out of it, Jess. You’ve got a lot going for you! Here I am, talking to myself. Hah.

One thing I’ve heard of doing is when you get those negative thoughts in your mind, envision a stop sign to try and bring them to a halt.  I haven’t honestly tried it yet, so I’m not sure how effective it is.

So, to accentuate the positive - I’m alive and breathing.  I was able to get out of bed this morning.  I have the freedom to get my education at the university level at a school that I have dreamed about graduating from since I was a child. Oh, I was also declared a graduation candidate at this school as of yesterday.  My projected graduation date is May 19, 2012. After all the years I have spent in school, you have no idea how sweet this was to my ears. I have a roof over my head.  I have food in the refrigerator.  I have a loving, caring family that loves me for who I am, flaws, quirks, annoying habits, and all.  To me, family is the foundation of everything, so that is the most positive thing I could ever think about in my life. 

Time.  Getting over emotional pain takes time.  Developing my trust in mankind again will take time. I just have to remember that each person that comes into my life is different, and I don’t need to compare them to anyone who has treated me like garbage in the past.  Life is too short to wake up angry.  Look in the mirror and say that today WILL be a GOOD day!

I definitely need to practice what I preach. 

“I’m alive and I’m free, who wouldn’t wanna be me?”

"Holding resentment against someone is allowing them to live rent free in your head."