Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

2011 has come and gone, and while it wasn’t all that bad of a year, I’m glad to say goodbye to it.  I’ve had some good things happen in this year, and compared to 2009 and 2010, I think my family was long overdue for a somewhat good year. 

As some of you know, in 2009 I lost my grandma and my Pepa.  In 2010 I lost my Mema.  As 2011 came along, the family was still grieving over losing three people in the matter of a year and a half.  I remember just a few years ago, priding myself on still having three of my grandparents.  I blinked and suddenly they were gone.  The reason I bring this up is because in 2011, I feel that my family has split apart.  One of my Mema’s biggest fears was the family going their separate ways once she was gone, and low and behold, it’s happening.  I’ve been stuck in the middle of a lot of drama that I shouldn’t have been.  There have been arguments, petty disputes, and situations I really wish I didn’t have to hear about.  It has completely changed me as a person, and throughout the past few months, I have felt myself withdrawing from certain people, and I really hate being that way. However, if it means keeping the drama out of my life, I’m going to do it, because I have better things to do and other things to accomplish in bettering myself. I know this happens with all families, and I just wish things would stop. 

I’ve even had people tell me what I can and can’t post on the internet in regard to my grandparents.  All four of my grandparents were amazing people.  They said, did, and accomplished things I could only dream of doing.  A lot of what I’m saying here in this blog is what my cousin recently said in a letter that she mailed to all of us, and as I read it, I felt as if she was reading my mind.  I couldn’t have agreed with her more.  If something one of them said could teach and change someone’s life, I’m going to post it.  If I feel that it helps me cope with their passing, I’m going to post it.  Sometimes putting their quotes or sayings on the internet is a way of honoring them, not exposing them.  I really am not happy with the fact that someone feels like they have a right to tell me what I can and can’t say on my personal Facebook account, on my blog, or anywhere for that matter. 

The bickering and fighting that my family has endured in 2011 has made me want to pack up and get out of here for a while.  I hate the fact that I’m feeling like I’m being chased off, but until things change, it’s going to stay that way.  I love it where I live.  I’m out in the country where it’s quiet, but I’m also a safe distance away from a good-sized city.  But since all of this has happened, each day it’s getting easier for me to say goodbye.  As I’ve said, I’ve already pulled away from a lot of family. 

But, to try and be positive, a lot of good things have happened in 2011 as well.  I was declared a degree candidate with Texas Tech University and filed my intent to graduate for May of 2012.  For the fall semester of 2011 I made the Dean’s List and finished with a 3.75 GPA. My goal going in to the semester was to make the list, so I was more than thrilled when I found out that I had accomplished it. 

In April I went down to San Antonio to take part in the last Friday Night Lights screening for Gridiron Heroes, a charity for football players who have suffered spinal cord injuries.  I got to mingle and hang out with the cast, and it is a night I will never forget.  In May, I participated in a celebrity golf tournament in Bastrop, TX, which helps The Buoniconti Fund to cure Paralysis.  It was hard work out in the Texas heat, but it was worth every second.  I got on a first name basis with Kyle Chandler, an actor that I have been following since I was eight years old and first saw in the movie Pure Country with George Strait. It was surreal to hear him call me out by name. I also got to meet other celebrities, and the majority of the people there were amazing. I hope to get to do it again next year, but with graduation around the date that the tournament is, it’s quite iffy.  I’ll know more as the date nears.

The summer of 2011 for Texas wasn’t the best.  We set several records for heat and had the worst drought in history.  Many old timers were comparing it to the dust bowl days.  I have lived here my whole life, and I’ve never seen it as dry as it was.  I have never seen so many wild fires either.  God bless all of the men and women who are out there, most volunteer, who have had to fight these horrible fires.  In October we experienced a haboob that was over 7,000 feet high.  I watched it roll in, and honestly, was pretty scared.  I usually don’t get scared with stuff like that. 

2011 has been pretty good for my books as well.  I published Through Smoke in February and Dance With the Devil in November.  For the month of December, they both had record-breaking sales and great exposure.  I hope to carry on that success through 2012. 

I have gained new friends and lost others.  Many people have wronged me, and I’m sure I’ve wronged others as well.  One thing that I have really learned is that there is no weakness in forgiveness.  But, on the other side of the coin, I may forgive, but I certainly won’t forget!

2011 wasn’t all that bad.  I know things could always be worse than they are, so I have to just keep thanking God for everything and remember that he is in control.  2012 is here.  Lot’s of big things coming up - Graduation in May, which means it’s time to finally get that career rolling.  It’s scary and exciting, all at the same time.

May you all have a wonderful 2012! 

Now That We're Here... It's So Far Away

This song is one that I've heard a few times, and it really puts in to words how I'm feeling about graduation and my schooling that is coming to a close.

            The fall semester for 2011 has come and gone.  For me, it’s been extremely bittersweet.  For it only being 4 months worth of school, studying, tailing it across a huge campus, and all of the other experiences that have happened in between, it moved fast and slow, all at the same time. 

            I honestly feel that I blinked and the semester was gone.  I remember in August thinking it was time to get the school year going so May would come and I could graduate and be done. Another year of school just seemed so long and excruciating.  I honestly did not realize that it would go so fast.  From where I’m sitting, I’ve got some mixed emotions going on.

            I don’t know where I’m going to be in the next five to six months.  A whole new chapter is going to emerge and I don’t really have a lot of control over it.  It’s an exciting feeling, but it’s also terrifying. I might not even stay here in the town where I’m at, or I could be really lucky and score a decent job and put roots down here. There’s just no way of knowing until I get out there and look at job availability.  School has been a major part of my life.  Let’s face it – I haven’t exactly been “the” traditional student.  I’m finally going to get my Bachelor’s Degree at the age of 27.  A “traditional” student generally gets one at 21-22.  I’ve been going on and off, and even had some part time semesters due to having to work. Sometimes I feel worthless about how long it has taken me, but I keep telling myself (and others have told me too) that at least I’m finishing something I’ve started. So, finishing school (finally) is definitely going to be a big deal for me. I have one more semester left, and if this past semester is any sign of how quickly things can go, I better strap myself in and prepare for the ride. 

            This semester, while taking the least amount of classes you can to still be classified as full time, has really tested me, not only on the academic front, but in other areas of life too.  I have made some new friends, came out of my shell more than usual, and even branched out and attended study groups.  I have never done that before in all the semesters I’ve attended college.  My confidence in my subjects and areas of interest has gotten much stronger.  My goal going in to this semester was to make the Dean’s List (GPA 3.5 – 3.9 required) and I did it!  However, I’m still sort of disappointed in myself.  I missed making the president’s list (4.0 gpa) by 7 points. Ouch.  It kinda stings!

            I mention making new friends.  Thinking back on things that happened, some of the memories aren’t ones I want to remember.  Let’s face it – we all need as many friends as we can in life.  Sometimes I wonder if my definition of friend is different than others views on the subject. To put it short, I have forgiven people who have done me wrong. I have learned that forgiving sometimes is even better for you than it is for the other person. Praying and having a relationship with Jesus and God has really helped me in these matters as well. With faith, anything is possible, even forgiving those who have done you wrong. 

            Anyway, I don’t want to seem negative.  All in all, it’s been a great, fast, and fun semester.  My classes were pretty good and I have met many amazing people from many diverse groups.  My mind is more open now.  Things that were so black and white before are now grey.  I see different point of views in matters when before, I had my belief and that was final.

            I can’t believe I only have one more semester left.  It is bittersweet.  Probably the most exciting, terrifying, amazing, and emotional experience of my life – I can say that I am doing something with my life that I’m damn proud of.  Being a Texas Tech graduate is something I have thought about since I was a little kid and I’m actually living my dreams right now. And as I said above, praying and keeping God and Jesus in my life has really pulled me through.  I couldn't do anything without having faith. 

            Guns up! 

Being Thankful

A lot of my friends on Facebook have been posting daily statuses about things they are thankful for during the month of November.  It’s a great idea and I enjoy reading what some of them have to say.  I’ve considered doing this as well, but honestly, I thought of a better idea and decided to just compile everything into one blog entry.  I’ve been searching for a new blog entry idea, so why not?

I love Thanksgiving.  It seems to be a forgotten holiday, overshadowed by Christmas and New Years.  A lot of businesses around town have already started playing Christmas music.  I love Christmas carols like the next gal, but already playing them at the beginning of November is going to drive me insane.  Anyway, back on the topic of Thanksgiving – it could quite possibly be my favorite holiday.  I love getting together with family and eating some of the most calorie rich foods ever.  I love standing in the kitchen with my mother, putting together various casseroles, reading over different recipes we’d like to try, and baking up wonderful desserts.  Every Thanksgiving I find a new recipe I want to try. Sometimes it turns out great, sometimes not so much. 

So, things I’m thankful for:

-The wonderful memories of past Thanksgivings shared with all of my family members.

-My parents – Tim and Patti, who put up with all of my moody quirks, my rollercoaster-like emotions, my insecurities, etc.  They have been my solid foundation in a world where the walls haven’t been real stable.

-My sister - Lizzy, for hanging out with me and being one of the best friends I could ever ask for.  I’m glad our relationship has only gotten stronger through the years. I can also tie my brother in law – David into this, because he’s been a great friend as well.  When we all hang out, I have a blast.   

-My brother - Andy, for being the true definition of what brothers should be.  I know he’s here for me in all the ways I need him.  I don’t get to see him much, but when I do, it is a true blessing.

-My 3 nieces - Abi, Anna, and Andi Mae and my nephew – Justus.  They are four of the most amazing kiddo’s and keep me smiling.  I also don’t get to see them much, so every moment with them is a pure blessing. 

-My wonderful grandparents – Troy and Betty Tate, and Floyd and Margaret Triggs, who are all now in heaven. Without these four wonderful adults in my life, I wouldn’t have many of the things I do today.  I am extremely blessed to have four role models to try and follow.  I don’t know what I’d do without them, and I know that even though they aren’t “here”, that they are always with me.

-I am thankful for family in general.  When it comes down to it, they are the ones likely to stick by you when everyone else goes away.  You don’t get to choose your family, and somehow I still got stuck with some pretty amazing people.  I love each and every one of you.  There’s too many to list, but you all know who you are.

-I am thankful for my friends.  Many have come in and out of my life, but a few have stuck around for long term.  Even the short-term friends I am thankful for.  I’ve met some pretty interesting and amazing people along the way, and have learned something new from each of them.  God bless you guys!

-I am thankful for the roof over my head and the food in my refrigerator.  I am thankful for the fact that I am able to attend Texas Tech University and study in a degree that I enjoy and hope to make a future out of.  I am thankful that I can wake up in the morning and choose to worship my amazing God without having to hide it.  I am thankful that I can be me.

-I can’t forget my German Shepherd, Wyatt.  He’s the best dang dog I could ever ask for.  He’s always there when I just need a friend to lean on.  His big brown eyes stare at me with unconditional love, regardless of the situation. 

-I am thankful for all of the bad days, just so I can really appreciate the good ones that come along. I am thankful for all of the people who have wronged me, just to cling to those who treat me with respect and honesty. It’s a good way to turn the negativity around using reverse psychology.

-I am just thankful.  I need to remember to thank God every day for what I do have, rather than focus on what I don’t.  Things really aren’t that bad.

I hope whoever reads this has a safe and wonderful holiday season.  Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and may 2012 bring you the best of luck and happiness!