Now That We're Here... It's So Far Away

This song is one that I've heard a few times, and it really puts in to words how I'm feeling about graduation and my schooling that is coming to a close.

            The fall semester for 2011 has come and gone.  For me, it’s been extremely bittersweet.  For it only being 4 months worth of school, studying, tailing it across a huge campus, and all of the other experiences that have happened in between, it moved fast and slow, all at the same time. 

            I honestly feel that I blinked and the semester was gone.  I remember in August thinking it was time to get the school year going so May would come and I could graduate and be done. Another year of school just seemed so long and excruciating.  I honestly did not realize that it would go so fast.  From where I’m sitting, I’ve got some mixed emotions going on.

            I don’t know where I’m going to be in the next five to six months.  A whole new chapter is going to emerge and I don’t really have a lot of control over it.  It’s an exciting feeling, but it’s also terrifying. I might not even stay here in the town where I’m at, or I could be really lucky and score a decent job and put roots down here. There’s just no way of knowing until I get out there and look at job availability.  School has been a major part of my life.  Let’s face it – I haven’t exactly been “the” traditional student.  I’m finally going to get my Bachelor’s Degree at the age of 27.  A “traditional” student generally gets one at 21-22.  I’ve been going on and off, and even had some part time semesters due to having to work. Sometimes I feel worthless about how long it has taken me, but I keep telling myself (and others have told me too) that at least I’m finishing something I’ve started. So, finishing school (finally) is definitely going to be a big deal for me. I have one more semester left, and if this past semester is any sign of how quickly things can go, I better strap myself in and prepare for the ride. 

            This semester, while taking the least amount of classes you can to still be classified as full time, has really tested me, not only on the academic front, but in other areas of life too.  I have made some new friends, came out of my shell more than usual, and even branched out and attended study groups.  I have never done that before in all the semesters I’ve attended college.  My confidence in my subjects and areas of interest has gotten much stronger.  My goal going in to this semester was to make the Dean’s List (GPA 3.5 – 3.9 required) and I did it!  However, I’m still sort of disappointed in myself.  I missed making the president’s list (4.0 gpa) by 7 points. Ouch.  It kinda stings!

            I mention making new friends.  Thinking back on things that happened, some of the memories aren’t ones I want to remember.  Let’s face it – we all need as many friends as we can in life.  Sometimes I wonder if my definition of friend is different than others views on the subject. To put it short, I have forgiven people who have done me wrong. I have learned that forgiving sometimes is even better for you than it is for the other person. Praying and having a relationship with Jesus and God has really helped me in these matters as well. With faith, anything is possible, even forgiving those who have done you wrong. 

            Anyway, I don’t want to seem negative.  All in all, it’s been a great, fast, and fun semester.  My classes were pretty good and I have met many amazing people from many diverse groups.  My mind is more open now.  Things that were so black and white before are now grey.  I see different point of views in matters when before, I had my belief and that was final.

            I can’t believe I only have one more semester left.  It is bittersweet.  Probably the most exciting, terrifying, amazing, and emotional experience of my life – I can say that I am doing something with my life that I’m damn proud of.  Being a Texas Tech graduate is something I have thought about since I was a little kid and I’m actually living my dreams right now. And as I said above, praying and keeping God and Jesus in my life has really pulled me through.  I couldn't do anything without having faith. 

            Guns up! 

Introducing Dance With the Devil

            

            Last night, I finally got Dance With the Devil: Book Two in the Troubled Heroes Series published! Sadly, it was way past the deadline I had set for it. Originally, I wanted it posted by mid September at the latest, and here it is mid November, but hey, it has finally arrived!

            While this is the second book in the series, it can serve as a stand-alone story as well. There is no need to read Through Smoke before this one.  It is a series solely on the fact that it focuses on troubled, everyday heroes. 

            Here is the description of the book: Lane O'Reily, a Baltimore Homicide Detective, takes on the case of a lifetime when he is handed a murder investigation involving a string of young women. Desperate to solve the case before another victim turns up, he must rely heavily on his only witness, a survivor to the crimes. She begins harassing and stalking him and with his marriage, career, and life on the line, he must decide if the obsessive witness is leading him down a path to the murderer, or down a trail littered with lies, betrayal and ultimately, a dead end.

            I am relieved to finally get this published. With school coming on strong like it has, I really thought it was going to just sit on the shelf and collect dust, so to speak.  I buckled down, got it edited several times, did self-edits, and finally can take a breather! I hope if you choose to read it, that you enjoy it.

            So, what’s up next? I’m planning on beginning a sequel to Through Smoke and base it on the drought that Texas has experienced this past summer. It is in its first stages, and hopefully the fire can begin rolling on it, pun intended! 

Being Thankful

A lot of my friends on Facebook have been posting daily statuses about things they are thankful for during the month of November.  It’s a great idea and I enjoy reading what some of them have to say.  I’ve considered doing this as well, but honestly, I thought of a better idea and decided to just compile everything into one blog entry.  I’ve been searching for a new blog entry idea, so why not?

I love Thanksgiving.  It seems to be a forgotten holiday, overshadowed by Christmas and New Years.  A lot of businesses around town have already started playing Christmas music.  I love Christmas carols like the next gal, but already playing them at the beginning of November is going to drive me insane.  Anyway, back on the topic of Thanksgiving – it could quite possibly be my favorite holiday.  I love getting together with family and eating some of the most calorie rich foods ever.  I love standing in the kitchen with my mother, putting together various casseroles, reading over different recipes we’d like to try, and baking up wonderful desserts.  Every Thanksgiving I find a new recipe I want to try. Sometimes it turns out great, sometimes not so much. 

So, things I’m thankful for:

-The wonderful memories of past Thanksgivings shared with all of my family members.

-My parents – Tim and Patti, who put up with all of my moody quirks, my rollercoaster-like emotions, my insecurities, etc.  They have been my solid foundation in a world where the walls haven’t been real stable.

-My sister - Lizzy, for hanging out with me and being one of the best friends I could ever ask for.  I’m glad our relationship has only gotten stronger through the years. I can also tie my brother in law – David into this, because he’s been a great friend as well.  When we all hang out, I have a blast.   

-My brother - Andy, for being the true definition of what brothers should be.  I know he’s here for me in all the ways I need him.  I don’t get to see him much, but when I do, it is a true blessing.

-My 3 nieces - Abi, Anna, and Andi Mae and my nephew – Justus.  They are four of the most amazing kiddo’s and keep me smiling.  I also don’t get to see them much, so every moment with them is a pure blessing. 

-My wonderful grandparents – Troy and Betty Tate, and Floyd and Margaret Triggs, who are all now in heaven. Without these four wonderful adults in my life, I wouldn’t have many of the things I do today.  I am extremely blessed to have four role models to try and follow.  I don’t know what I’d do without them, and I know that even though they aren’t “here”, that they are always with me.

-I am thankful for family in general.  When it comes down to it, they are the ones likely to stick by you when everyone else goes away.  You don’t get to choose your family, and somehow I still got stuck with some pretty amazing people.  I love each and every one of you.  There’s too many to list, but you all know who you are.

-I am thankful for my friends.  Many have come in and out of my life, but a few have stuck around for long term.  Even the short-term friends I am thankful for.  I’ve met some pretty interesting and amazing people along the way, and have learned something new from each of them.  God bless you guys!

-I am thankful for the roof over my head and the food in my refrigerator.  I am thankful for the fact that I am able to attend Texas Tech University and study in a degree that I enjoy and hope to make a future out of.  I am thankful that I can wake up in the morning and choose to worship my amazing God without having to hide it.  I am thankful that I can be me.

-I can’t forget my German Shepherd, Wyatt.  He’s the best dang dog I could ever ask for.  He’s always there when I just need a friend to lean on.  His big brown eyes stare at me with unconditional love, regardless of the situation. 

-I am thankful for all of the bad days, just so I can really appreciate the good ones that come along. I am thankful for all of the people who have wronged me, just to cling to those who treat me with respect and honesty. It’s a good way to turn the negativity around using reverse psychology.

-I am just thankful.  I need to remember to thank God every day for what I do have, rather than focus on what I don’t.  Things really aren’t that bad.

I hope whoever reads this has a safe and wonderful holiday season.  Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and may 2012 bring you the best of luck and happiness! 

Trust, Positivity, Saying Goodbye

            I have gotten behind on my blogging, and for the few who do read it, they are probably saying, “What’s new? You always do.” While I’m only taking 12 hours of courses this semester, it has been one of the most trying.  It is my senior year and I’m really busting my tail end to make the dean’s list and really take names during my last final weeks on the Texas Tech campus.

            Tonight, I’m really not sure what to write about, I just know that I need to.  Life has really come at me full force.  A quote that I have learned to live by in these past few weeks is:

“You gotta have bad days so you can appreciate the good ones.”

            I guess I can say that things really haven’t been that “bad.”  At least I can say that the good has outweighed the bad.  I’ve had a few people come into my life and really test my already fragile trust issues.  To put it mildly, I question why these people were even brought into my life, only to betray me and walk out as if it had never happened.  I questioned God and wanted to know WHY? I was flying so high and then found myself face first in the ground.  I started living with the belief that when I am happy, don’t get used to it, because something will come along like a whirlwind and blow it all away. Truth is, we will never understand why certain people come in and out of our lives.  God has a reason, even if it never makes sense to us.  There’s always a reason, and I need to remember that, even if it has left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I’ve spent a lot of time praying and soul searching.  Before this all happened, I was thriving – I was a strong woman who was becoming more positive and happy by the day.  I’ve prayed to God to allow me to get back to the person that I was before.  Why not just revert back to it?  I know it’s going to take time, but eventually I’ll get there.  As I have described it to others… I’m like a drug addict who relapsed back to my old negative ways and now I’ve gotta be strong to get over it and get back on track, away from this derailment that has turned my world upside down.  One thing that will take years is being able to trust again.  It’ll be hard to tear down that wall.

I can't make people be in my life who don't want to be.  All I want is a little kindness to at least have the closure.  Some people can't man up and do that, so I have to tell myself that it's God's way of exterminating the negativity out of my life.  I have to let Him be in the driver's seat and trust that he is leading me down the path I should be on.  Let go and let God. 

“Accentuate the positive.”

I need to focus on the good things in my life right now and forget about recent events.  Easier said than done, I know, but what makes a person strong is their ability to move forward and not forget their past, but push through and learn from it.  Chalk it all up to learning experiences.  I feel hypocritical. As I write this, I feel the pain drudging up from deep inside of me.  Sometimes it’s very hard to take your own advice.  What I need is someone to slap some sense into me.  Just a good, hard wake up call.  Snap out of it, Jess. You’ve got a lot going for you! Here I am, talking to myself. Hah.

One thing I’ve heard of doing is when you get those negative thoughts in your mind, envision a stop sign to try and bring them to a halt.  I haven’t honestly tried it yet, so I’m not sure how effective it is.

So, to accentuate the positive - I’m alive and breathing.  I was able to get out of bed this morning.  I have the freedom to get my education at the university level at a school that I have dreamed about graduating from since I was a child. Oh, I was also declared a graduation candidate at this school as of yesterday.  My projected graduation date is May 19, 2012. After all the years I have spent in school, you have no idea how sweet this was to my ears. I have a roof over my head.  I have food in the refrigerator.  I have a loving, caring family that loves me for who I am, flaws, quirks, annoying habits, and all.  To me, family is the foundation of everything, so that is the most positive thing I could ever think about in my life. 

Time.  Getting over emotional pain takes time.  Developing my trust in mankind again will take time. I just have to remember that each person that comes into my life is different, and I don’t need to compare them to anyone who has treated me like garbage in the past.  Life is too short to wake up angry.  Look in the mirror and say that today WILL be a GOOD day!

I definitely need to practice what I preach. 

“I’m alive and I’m free, who wouldn’t wanna be me?”

"Holding resentment against someone is allowing them to live rent free in your head."

Remembering 9.11.01 - 10 Years Later

            As the whole world knows, today is the 10^th anniversary of the terrorist attacks on America at the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and United Flight 93.  We all have our stories of where we were that day and what was going through our minds as we watched news footage of what was transpiring on that September morning. 

Many people will see this and roll their eyes and think, “Oh gosh, here’s another one of those blogs.”  I’ve even heard people make comments about all of the 9/11 documentaries that are coming on, one after the other, all weekend long and wonder why people watch them.  To me, that’s one way that I can honor the victims.  Seeing the footage and hearing survivors and family member’s stories is a way to show that we will never forget that day.

I was just a junior in high school on September 11, 2001.  A junior in a small town here in Texas, far far away from New York City. I usually don’t talk about this much in fear of people ridiculing me, but I can honestly say that something did feel weird that morning. I’ve talked to my mom about the feelings I had. Other than her, it rarely comes up.

 The first plane hit at 8:46AM, which meant it was 7:46 here in Texas.  I was heading off to school at this time.  I remember taking my backpack out to my car and just having this overwhelming feeling. The sun was just barely rising, so it was still somewhat dark outside.  It’s really hard to explain.  I didn’t hear about the attacks until I had gotten to school and was in my first class.  It was a web design class and my teacher said something about the World Trade Center being bombed.  I was confused.  I had a small idea of what the WTC was, but wasn’t 100% on what was going on.  Several other classes in the school were going to the library to watch news footage.  At that time, we didn’t have TV’s in every classroom.  I asked my teacher if we could go watch and let’s just say, I won’t comment on the negativity.  She didn’t let us go to the library, enough said.

My second period class was US History, and the teacher was also my basketball coach.  He instantly let us go to the library, where I remember spending pretty much the rest of the day.  Tons of students and teachers crowded around TV’s in various parts of the room, where only standing room was available.  I remember standing there watching, my best friend Jo’ana at my side, still confused.  I noticed things falling from the building, thinking it was debris, when a teacher pointed out that it was people plummeting to their death below.  I’ll never forget the terror I felt in seeing that happening on live television, right in front of the entire school, packed and cramped in our small library.  In our innocent world in our small town, we didn’t really know of things such as terrorism.

We had open campus for lunch and Jo’ana and I stopped at McDonalds.  They had the radio playing over a loud speaker and it was news reports on what was going on.  I was so sick to my stomach that I don’t even think I ate lunch that day.  We had cross-country running practice that afternoon.  Coach Neighbors took us out to Coleman Park where we ran the back roads near the landfill and finished off on the course in the park.  I guess to the teachers, keeping the students on as normal of a schedule was their way of trying to keep everything calm, aside from allowing us to watch the news all day.  I remember running down one of the secluded roads along with my teammates, and all of us pretty much slow jogging when we heard what sounded like a plane above us.  We all got nervous and looked up to the sky.  I don’t think it was a plane, since all flights in the US had been grounded for the first time in our nation’s history.  For some reason I can’t remember what it was, but it was a loud noise that freaked all of us out.  We finished up our workout but none of us put in good times, and Coach Neighbors ended the practice early.

I was nervous for my parents as well.  My father is a paramedic and at that time, my mom worked as a dispatcher for the sheriff’s office.  Since no one knew what was really going on, all first responders and people working for emergency offices had to be on stand by, ready to go in at any time.  I think I remember my mom saying that if it came down to that, they couldn’t take both of them in and leave my sister and I stranded.

The next few weeks consisted of watching the news constantly.  The National Anthem took on a whole new meaning.  We no longer stood with our minds wondering as the song played, anticipating the start of the game or whatever event we were at.  We all stood proud, listening to EVERY word of that anthem, letting it settle deep inside our hearts as tears formed in the corners of our eyes.   Flags were left flying in people’s yards constantly, no longer just reserved for holidays.  People seemed friendlier.  We were all more open about our feelings. 

It’s a shame that it took something so tragic to “change” people.  For several years America was in an extreme patriotic mode.  I finally made it to ground zero in June of 2004, three years after the attacks.  Most of the rubble and debris was gone, but a huge gaping hole was there, surrounded by construction barricades and hard hat areas.  The skyline also had a gaping hole in it where the twin towers once stood.  I leaned against the fence and wept.  There were makeshift memorials for many of the victims.  I was glad I went to pay my respects, but it was probably one of the most solemn and sorrowful experiences I’ve ever endured in my life. 

We also stopped by several firehouses in the city.  In every station we stopped at, there were pictures up of men who had lost their lives that morning.  There was definitely emptiness present.  Even a few firehouses kept a candle lit in honor of their fallen brothers and sisters who never came home. 

I can’t believe ten years has passed.  I think about that day a lot.  It will forever be etched in my memory.  One thing that we, as Americans tend to do is fall back into that rut of thinking that we are untouchable and invincible.  9/11 was a wakeup call, but sometimes I feel that we are slowly losing the realization of how vulnerable anyone can be.  I feel that watching those documentaries, writing out your memories of where you were, reflecting and praying, are all beneficial ways we cannot allow ourselves to take things for granted.  I’m not saying you have to go out and gush your feelings to just anyone, but remember that keeping everything bottled inside probably isn’t the best thing you could do to yourself.  We have to carry the honor on for all of those who can’t. We have to REMEMBER and NEVER forget!


In remembrance of:

2,977 victims in the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and the 3 airplane flights


United Flight 93

343 FDNY Firefighters

15 FDNY EMT’s

23 NYPD Police Officers

37 Port Authority Police Officers

One Year - Mema's An Angel

I've been trying to think of something to write all day about August 27th.  Family members have put their thoughts up on Facebook about a year ago today.  Usually, I'd probably do the same - The only problem is, I have more to say than what a status update would allow me to.

What happened a year ago today?

My Mema passed away.  She was my last grandparent to go to heaven, and one of three to pass away within two years of each other.  Now as I get this blog started, I'm still at a loss on what to put.  Not because there's not much to say about her, but because I just can't put it into words.  My fingers are sitting on the home row keys, but I can't form the sentences.  I guess I can start with saying that people say that it gets easier with time.  I don't know if it's really easier, or if we just learn to cope better.  I guess it's all from your own perspective.

Mema was a West Texas country girl.  She grew up living out here in the area where I do now.  Her daddy was a farmer - a hard working man back before farmers had the insurance they have now to fall back on if their crops didn't grow.  She was tough and extremely intelligent.  She loved to work outside and grow gardens.  She was excellent at crafts.  She -loved- to play board games, cards, or anything that brought us together as a family.  Many things I cook today, I learned from her.  In the summers she would play outside with us kids.  My cousins and I stayed out at her's and Pepa's place when school was out.  Many of my best childhood memories are from summers spent out at their house.

Without her, or Pepa, I would not have many of the things I do today.  They are still providing even in death.  In the last few years of Mema's life I got very close to her.  I've always been close with her, but we developed a special bond.  I lived next door to her and would come over and have supper with her.  Sometimes I would cook, sometimes we'd get takeout, or sometimes my aunt would cook.  I would also go over and help mow and take care of things.  She stopped really going outside.  I looked forward to having those meals with her. We'd sit and chat about whatever was on her mind.  She'd talk about what she read in the newspaper.  I stated in my last blog post that she was an avid newspaper reader.  She loved pouring a tall glass of iced tea and sit at the kitchen table to read the Lubbock Avalanche Journal.  Sometimes we'd even bicker about stuff - it was all harmless, of course!

The day she died I was at work.  I had missed all of the week before due to her being in the hospital and then being ill at home.  I decided to go back to work because not much had changed.  I got the call around 8AM that she had passed away.  The moment the phone rang and I saw that it was my dad, I knew...

It was the second day of school - I had just started attending Texas Tech University.  I left work, went to her house and waited.  Everyone said I could've stayed at work, but how was I going to take care of 10 toddlers with all of that on my mind?  That afternoon I did decide to go ahead and go to class.  I only had one that day and I needed to at least go and get my syllabus and inform my professor about what was going on.  There wasn't much more I could do back at the house.  My aunts, uncles, and father were getting together to go to the funeral home.  The house was empty and I didn't want to be there.

I loved how the family all got back together - I just hated the reasoning as to why.  I think having my nieces and nephew around really helped. They really took our minds off of things, though it all still hovered above us.

The hardest part that I will never forget is after the funeral.  It was on a Monday and I had class early Tuesday morning. I had missed classes, of course, because of the funeral so I knew I needed to get back the next day, regardless of how sad I was.  I knew the best thing to do was just push through and get back out there.  My brother and his family were still in town, and not leaving until the next morning as well.  They drove back to Brownfield to spend the night with my parents.  I didn't go back with them, since I had to be up early for class, it would've been harder on me.  I came back to my house, the house I lived next door to Mema, and for the first time, I was alone.

Reality hit me like a ton of bricks.  Mema was gone.  There would be no more daily evening suppers at her table.  There would be no more sitting and talking to her about what she read in the newspaper.  No more of her warm hugs and her cute laugh when she found something amusing.  I broke down in my living room and cried the hardest I've ever cried.  As I write this I find myself getting teary eyed just thinking about it.  And when I really think about it, it seems so selfish.  But then again, they say the death of a loved one is usually hardest on the living.  Yes, I was happy that Mema and Pepa were finally back together again.  It just hit me hard that for the first time since she passed away, I was alone.  It was probably one of the toughest nights of my life.

One thing that gave me comfort, and still is to this day, is that she is now with Pepa in heaven.  He passed away in April of 2009, and Mema really missed him so much.  She was his caregiver.  After he was gone, she felt she didn't have a purpose anymore.  So now we say that they are together in Australia.  They always wanted to travel there for a vacation and never got to after my Pepa had his accident.

The 2010-11 school year was hard on us all.  My cousins were all starting back to school as well.  We were all depressed.  We all showed it in different ways, as mourning does go, and things had definitely changed.  Sometimes even to this day I have a hard time looking out my window and seeing Mema's house.  It stayed in the family thank goodness, but it is still hard.  There's lots of good memories at that house.  Thank God for those.

Mema was an amazing woman.  She was a woman that I strive to be like.  So strong, so loving, so full of life.  I'm glad that I knew her for the 25 years God gave me with her.  Her and Pepa didn't ask for the hand they got dealt, but they pushed on.  What great role models this family has.

"If you endure suffering, even if you have done right, God will bless you for it." 1 Peter 2:20  - Mema had this in a frame in her house.  This alone lets me know that they are in heaven, side by side. :)

In loving memory of Betty Louise Angerer Tate
January 10, 1935 - August 27, 2010

...I can't believe its been a year....

Old Newspaper Clippings

This blog entry really doesn't have much to do about my writing....


The other day I was going through some old stuff of my grandparent's. My Mema was an avid newspaper reader and would rip out clippings and things she found from time to time and save them.  I ran across a clip from the old Ann Landers column that really brought a smile to my face.  

Tips for Life

Give people more than they expect, and do so cheerfully.

Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you’d like.

Don’t say, “I love you,” unless you really mean it.

When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.

Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

Love deeply and passionately.  You might get hurt, but it’s the only way to live life completely.

In disagreements, fight fair. No name-calling.

Don’t judge people by their relatives.

When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

Call your mom.

Say, “Bless you,” when you hear someone sneeze,

Don’t let a little squabble damage a good friendship.

When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Smile when picking up the phone.  The caller will hear it in your voice.

Marry someone you love to talk to.  As you get older, conversation will be the one of the principal elements of your relationship.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Read more books, and watch less TV.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

Never laugh at anyone’s dreams.  People who don’t have dreams will never accomplish much.

Never let your mouth get ahead of your head.

Spend some time alone.  Constant socializing can be draining.

Open your mind to change, but don’t let new ideas dilute your principles.

Live an honorable life.  When you get older, you’ll be glad you did.

When you don’t know what to do, pray. You’ll be surprised at how much it will help you decide.

A loving atmosphere in your home is important.  It will also help keep your children from needing therapy.

Judge your success by what you had to give up to get it.

Remember that not getting what you want may be the best thing that never happened to you.

Never interrupt when you are being flattered.

Mind your own business.

Trust in God, but lock your car.

Sometimes I thought saving all of those newspaper clippings just added to the clutter, but I'm glad that I came across this. They are turning out to be a real treasure years after they were saved.  It's these simple things that really make you feel good.  One of my favorite lines in all of this is "Remember that not getting what you want may be the best thing that never happened to you." Sometimes God's best gifts are prayers that he doesn't answer in ways that you think he should have at the time you wanted it. 

While I didn't write this, I'm glad that I can share it with you all and hope that it brings a smile to your face as well!  

:)

Cheers! 

Troubled Hero Series

If you've looked at my page lately, you might have noticed a few changes...

I have temporarily taken down Modern Day Drifter after it had a successful week.  Why you ask?  I noticed several technical and grammatical errors that seriously need to be reworked.  A few I think are okay, but there are too many for me to be able to not fret about it.  I want it to be near perfect.  So, until further notice, the book will be unpublished until I can correct it to my liking.  I owe it to you readers as well. It's no fun reading a book full of them.


Also, with the help of my writing buddy, I've decided to try to tie in all of my books in a type of series.  It is called "The Troubled Hero Series".  Since Through Smoke is about a firefighter and my current work in progress, Dance With The Devil is about a cop, it seemed like a good way to group them together.  The main characters in these books seem to have some personal demons going on aside from their careers. And a good thing about the series is, you don't have to read them in a certain order.  In the future I am planning on writing a sequel to Through Smoke.  I also am mulling over an idea about a "bad boy" character who will have some redeeming qualities, and can be a defiant hero, so to speak.  It's all in its early stages, but it's fun to toss things around and see where they go.


I hope that putting books into series will help readers be able to link my books together.  I hope it can build a strong fanbase.


Happy reading/writing!