Your/You're... And Other Things....

           

          As everyone knows, humans have pet peeves.  We all have those certain things that really grind our gears and get us going.  I have to admit that when it comes to this, I’m not quite “normal.”  I let weird and unusual things bug me that people normally wouldn’t think about.  I could probably write about this all night, but I’ll try and keep the list to a minimum!

            1. The way people use your and you’re.  It GRINDS MY GEARS when someone puts “YOUR amazing” “YOUR beautiful” “YOUR immature”  PEOPLE. When YOU’RE saying something IS something, it is YOU’RE, the contraction for YOU ARE! It is a helping verb. “YOU ARE beautiful” “YOU ARE amazing” “YOU ARE immature.” On the other end, YOUR is a possessive pronoun, expressing something that belongs to you.  So therefore, “beautiful, immature, and amazing” do NOT belong to you! A proper way to use YOUR would be “Your dog barks a lot.”  “Your mom is a kind woman.” A simple way to avoid using YOUR/YOU’RE the wrong way is to think to yourself, is this a situation where I would actually say, “YOU ARE”, or is it not?  It’s a simple fix, yet it is abused sooooo much!

            2. I know as humans, we are not supposed to judge people, but I have to mention a pet peeve of mine in regard to clothing and hygiene of people I see at school.  It really bugs me that I know girls who actually take the time to look like they’ve just rolled out of bed.  They literally get up and take time to try to pull off that bed head look.  Why?  If you’re… (Yes, proper usage of you’re… wink) going to take all that time to look like trash, why not take the time and look presentable?  They style their hair in messy ponytails and still take time to put on makeup.  Hmm. I just don’t get it.  Also, I can’t stand when they wear those Ugg boots with sweat pants or shorts.  It looks ridiculous, and it’s the typical sorority girl look. Let me make myself clear. I’m not dissing on the Greek community – I just tend to notice that the majority of girls who try to pull off this look belong to a sorority.  I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t go to school everyday dressed up, but my point is that I don’t take hours with a goal to look worn out.  If I look worn out, it’s because I am, not because I took the time to make myself look that way. 

            3. As a student at a very large campus, I have to walk pretty far distances to get to class.  As you enter campus, there are an immense amount of pedestrian signs and warnings for drivers to yield to walkers.  There are crosswalks in various places, but really, what’s the point of finding one?  There have been times that I’ve stood at the crosswalk, waiting as traffic goes, only to find that NO ONE yields for us.  Buses, bikers, and even the campus cops refuse to stop and allow a walker to go across. I’m now in my fourth semester at Tech and have learned that you pretty much just have to walk out and hope the drivers see you in time to stop if you ever want to get across the street.  What really gets me is that I have seen cops give jaywalking tickets to people for not using crosswalks.  HUH? Why does this happen?  Shouldn’t people be getting in trouble for not yielding for pedestrians as the law states?  Campus police is another topic I will not talk about right now.  That will get me on a whole other rant that should be saved for another day. 

            These are just three pet peeves I have been noticing a lot lately. My list could go on forever on things that really bug me.  Don’t get the wrong idea from this blog entry.  I might sound like this grumpy old person who just sits around and finds the negative in stuff, but I’m not. Sometimes it’s fun to toss around certain things that get under people’s skin.  A lot of times, I try to find the humor in it all and get a laugh out of it.  I have friends and family that know the things that frustrate me and go out of their way to point things out, just to turn a potentially “GRRR” situation into a silly one. 

            One thing I hope you can pull away from this is the YOUR/YOU’RE thing.  It’s a simple fix, and one that seems to be getting worse.  Then again, maybe I’m just noticing it more for other reasons. 

            YOU’RE (you are) amazing for taking the time to read this blog and YOUR brain (possession) will thank you for the new, crazy knowledge you have acquired in the time it took you to read this!

            Seriously folks, let’s get a grasp on the your/you’re thing. Happy reading! 

Wildfire - Nature's Fury

            

Smoke wall during the Bastrop fire in September of 2011. (This photo is not mine) 

           Back a few years ago, I got excited about springtime coming.  For the second year in a row, I can honestly say that I am dreading it.  As most people in America know, 2011 wasn’t a kind year to Texas in regard to rainfall and moisture.  We experienced the worst drought in history for this state and many old timers were comparing conditions to that of the dust bowl days.  I’m sad to report that meteorologists are calling for a carbon copy of last year for us.

            (Deep Sigh)

            Used to I waited in anticipation for the warmer weather to come, the longer days, and most of all, the storm season that this region usually saw.  Last year I think we got maybe three good storms for the entire year, and if I remember correctly, one of those came in October of all months!

            For those of you who are not familiar with the way Texas fire departments work, many are run by volunteers.  In fact, men and women whose day jobs are not firefighting control around 75% of departments.  First responders hold a special spot in my heart.  My father was a Lieutenant with Woodrow Fire Department for over twenty years.  He is now a paramedic.  I see what kind of stress jobs like that do to a person, yet they still do it for one main reason – to help people.

97% of the state of Texas was declared in a drought and burn bans were issued everywhere.  About 27,000 fires broke out, incinerating almost 4 million acres of land.  The fire season started up in west Texas and progressed across most of the state.  Most know about the infamous Bastrop County fire that forced major evacuations of many towns in that area.  This fire is referred to as the most catastrophic fire in Texas history. 

            Fire departments all across the state were worn thin.  Men and women dedicated hundreds of hours to help to try to control these burns, and keep in mind, most were volunteers, not even pulling in a paycheck for their time spent out there on the front lines.  Volunteer fire fighting funds were also cut drastically in 2011, leaving people in charge of paying for their own gear, which is very expensive.  My thanks goes out to the men and women who worked hard to keep the citizens of Texas safe.  Long hours, dangerous situations, and times when it seemed impossible to put the huge walls of flames out are just a few of the things these dedicated people endured during the wildfire season. I can’t imagine what it feels like to have someone come to your home and declare a mandatory evacuation.  How would a person even decide what to take with them?  It would be horrible to think that the next time you came home that it could very well be burned to the ground. 

            I am currently in the process of writing a sequel to my novel Through Smoke that is based on the 2011 wildfire season here in Texas.  I am about halfway through with the manuscript and am really hoping that I can do the situation justice.  I’ve thought about a possible goal as to when I plan on having it published, but who am I kidding? I rarely get it done in the time I say! Right now it’s just very unpredictable with my school schedule, but I started writing this back in late November and am already half way done, so if I can keep the pace up the release date could possibly be soon!

            I will finish this blog entry with me saying a huge THANK YOU to everyone who dedicated their time during the Texas wildfire season of 2011.  With the way the weather patterns are looking for the upcoming months, it appears that we are in for some more of it for 2012.  We’ll just have to keep praying for that rain and continue to offer support where we can. 

God bless all of you first responders out there!

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

2011 has come and gone, and while it wasn’t all that bad of a year, I’m glad to say goodbye to it.  I’ve had some good things happen in this year, and compared to 2009 and 2010, I think my family was long overdue for a somewhat good year. 

As some of you know, in 2009 I lost my grandma and my Pepa.  In 2010 I lost my Mema.  As 2011 came along, the family was still grieving over losing three people in the matter of a year and a half.  I remember just a few years ago, priding myself on still having three of my grandparents.  I blinked and suddenly they were gone.  The reason I bring this up is because in 2011, I feel that my family has split apart.  One of my Mema’s biggest fears was the family going their separate ways once she was gone, and low and behold, it’s happening.  I’ve been stuck in the middle of a lot of drama that I shouldn’t have been.  There have been arguments, petty disputes, and situations I really wish I didn’t have to hear about.  It has completely changed me as a person, and throughout the past few months, I have felt myself withdrawing from certain people, and I really hate being that way. However, if it means keeping the drama out of my life, I’m going to do it, because I have better things to do and other things to accomplish in bettering myself. I know this happens with all families, and I just wish things would stop. 

I’ve even had people tell me what I can and can’t post on the internet in regard to my grandparents.  All four of my grandparents were amazing people.  They said, did, and accomplished things I could only dream of doing.  A lot of what I’m saying here in this blog is what my cousin recently said in a letter that she mailed to all of us, and as I read it, I felt as if she was reading my mind.  I couldn’t have agreed with her more.  If something one of them said could teach and change someone’s life, I’m going to post it.  If I feel that it helps me cope with their passing, I’m going to post it.  Sometimes putting their quotes or sayings on the internet is a way of honoring them, not exposing them.  I really am not happy with the fact that someone feels like they have a right to tell me what I can and can’t say on my personal Facebook account, on my blog, or anywhere for that matter. 

The bickering and fighting that my family has endured in 2011 has made me want to pack up and get out of here for a while.  I hate the fact that I’m feeling like I’m being chased off, but until things change, it’s going to stay that way.  I love it where I live.  I’m out in the country where it’s quiet, but I’m also a safe distance away from a good-sized city.  But since all of this has happened, each day it’s getting easier for me to say goodbye.  As I’ve said, I’ve already pulled away from a lot of family. 

But, to try and be positive, a lot of good things have happened in 2011 as well.  I was declared a degree candidate with Texas Tech University and filed my intent to graduate for May of 2012.  For the fall semester of 2011 I made the Dean’s List and finished with a 3.75 GPA. My goal going in to the semester was to make the list, so I was more than thrilled when I found out that I had accomplished it. 

In April I went down to San Antonio to take part in the last Friday Night Lights screening for Gridiron Heroes, a charity for football players who have suffered spinal cord injuries.  I got to mingle and hang out with the cast, and it is a night I will never forget.  In May, I participated in a celebrity golf tournament in Bastrop, TX, which helps The Buoniconti Fund to cure Paralysis.  It was hard work out in the Texas heat, but it was worth every second.  I got on a first name basis with Kyle Chandler, an actor that I have been following since I was eight years old and first saw in the movie Pure Country with George Strait. It was surreal to hear him call me out by name. I also got to meet other celebrities, and the majority of the people there were amazing. I hope to get to do it again next year, but with graduation around the date that the tournament is, it’s quite iffy.  I’ll know more as the date nears.

The summer of 2011 for Texas wasn’t the best.  We set several records for heat and had the worst drought in history.  Many old timers were comparing it to the dust bowl days.  I have lived here my whole life, and I’ve never seen it as dry as it was.  I have never seen so many wild fires either.  God bless all of the men and women who are out there, most volunteer, who have had to fight these horrible fires.  In October we experienced a haboob that was over 7,000 feet high.  I watched it roll in, and honestly, was pretty scared.  I usually don’t get scared with stuff like that. 

2011 has been pretty good for my books as well.  I published Through Smoke in February and Dance With the Devil in November.  For the month of December, they both had record-breaking sales and great exposure.  I hope to carry on that success through 2012. 

I have gained new friends and lost others.  Many people have wronged me, and I’m sure I’ve wronged others as well.  One thing that I have really learned is that there is no weakness in forgiveness.  But, on the other side of the coin, I may forgive, but I certainly won’t forget!

2011 wasn’t all that bad.  I know things could always be worse than they are, so I have to just keep thanking God for everything and remember that he is in control.  2012 is here.  Lot’s of big things coming up - Graduation in May, which means it’s time to finally get that career rolling.  It’s scary and exciting, all at the same time.

May you all have a wonderful 2012! 

Now That We're Here... It's So Far Away

This song is one that I've heard a few times, and it really puts in to words how I'm feeling about graduation and my schooling that is coming to a close.

            The fall semester for 2011 has come and gone.  For me, it’s been extremely bittersweet.  For it only being 4 months worth of school, studying, tailing it across a huge campus, and all of the other experiences that have happened in between, it moved fast and slow, all at the same time. 

            I honestly feel that I blinked and the semester was gone.  I remember in August thinking it was time to get the school year going so May would come and I could graduate and be done. Another year of school just seemed so long and excruciating.  I honestly did not realize that it would go so fast.  From where I’m sitting, I’ve got some mixed emotions going on.

            I don’t know where I’m going to be in the next five to six months.  A whole new chapter is going to emerge and I don’t really have a lot of control over it.  It’s an exciting feeling, but it’s also terrifying. I might not even stay here in the town where I’m at, or I could be really lucky and score a decent job and put roots down here. There’s just no way of knowing until I get out there and look at job availability.  School has been a major part of my life.  Let’s face it – I haven’t exactly been “the” traditional student.  I’m finally going to get my Bachelor’s Degree at the age of 27.  A “traditional” student generally gets one at 21-22.  I’ve been going on and off, and even had some part time semesters due to having to work. Sometimes I feel worthless about how long it has taken me, but I keep telling myself (and others have told me too) that at least I’m finishing something I’ve started. So, finishing school (finally) is definitely going to be a big deal for me. I have one more semester left, and if this past semester is any sign of how quickly things can go, I better strap myself in and prepare for the ride. 

            This semester, while taking the least amount of classes you can to still be classified as full time, has really tested me, not only on the academic front, but in other areas of life too.  I have made some new friends, came out of my shell more than usual, and even branched out and attended study groups.  I have never done that before in all the semesters I’ve attended college.  My confidence in my subjects and areas of interest has gotten much stronger.  My goal going in to this semester was to make the Dean’s List (GPA 3.5 – 3.9 required) and I did it!  However, I’m still sort of disappointed in myself.  I missed making the president’s list (4.0 gpa) by 7 points. Ouch.  It kinda stings!

            I mention making new friends.  Thinking back on things that happened, some of the memories aren’t ones I want to remember.  Let’s face it – we all need as many friends as we can in life.  Sometimes I wonder if my definition of friend is different than others views on the subject. To put it short, I have forgiven people who have done me wrong. I have learned that forgiving sometimes is even better for you than it is for the other person. Praying and having a relationship with Jesus and God has really helped me in these matters as well. With faith, anything is possible, even forgiving those who have done you wrong. 

            Anyway, I don’t want to seem negative.  All in all, it’s been a great, fast, and fun semester.  My classes were pretty good and I have met many amazing people from many diverse groups.  My mind is more open now.  Things that were so black and white before are now grey.  I see different point of views in matters when before, I had my belief and that was final.

            I can’t believe I only have one more semester left.  It is bittersweet.  Probably the most exciting, terrifying, amazing, and emotional experience of my life – I can say that I am doing something with my life that I’m damn proud of.  Being a Texas Tech graduate is something I have thought about since I was a little kid and I’m actually living my dreams right now. And as I said above, praying and keeping God and Jesus in my life has really pulled me through.  I couldn't do anything without having faith. 

            Guns up! 

Introducing Dance With the Devil

            

            Last night, I finally got Dance With the Devil: Book Two in the Troubled Heroes Series published! Sadly, it was way past the deadline I had set for it. Originally, I wanted it posted by mid September at the latest, and here it is mid November, but hey, it has finally arrived!

            While this is the second book in the series, it can serve as a stand-alone story as well. There is no need to read Through Smoke before this one.  It is a series solely on the fact that it focuses on troubled, everyday heroes. 

            Here is the description of the book: Lane O'Reily, a Baltimore Homicide Detective, takes on the case of a lifetime when he is handed a murder investigation involving a string of young women. Desperate to solve the case before another victim turns up, he must rely heavily on his only witness, a survivor to the crimes. She begins harassing and stalking him and with his marriage, career, and life on the line, he must decide if the obsessive witness is leading him down a path to the murderer, or down a trail littered with lies, betrayal and ultimately, a dead end.

            I am relieved to finally get this published. With school coming on strong like it has, I really thought it was going to just sit on the shelf and collect dust, so to speak.  I buckled down, got it edited several times, did self-edits, and finally can take a breather! I hope if you choose to read it, that you enjoy it.

            So, what’s up next? I’m planning on beginning a sequel to Through Smoke and base it on the drought that Texas has experienced this past summer. It is in its first stages, and hopefully the fire can begin rolling on it, pun intended! 

Being Thankful

A lot of my friends on Facebook have been posting daily statuses about things they are thankful for during the month of November.  It’s a great idea and I enjoy reading what some of them have to say.  I’ve considered doing this as well, but honestly, I thought of a better idea and decided to just compile everything into one blog entry.  I’ve been searching for a new blog entry idea, so why not?

I love Thanksgiving.  It seems to be a forgotten holiday, overshadowed by Christmas and New Years.  A lot of businesses around town have already started playing Christmas music.  I love Christmas carols like the next gal, but already playing them at the beginning of November is going to drive me insane.  Anyway, back on the topic of Thanksgiving – it could quite possibly be my favorite holiday.  I love getting together with family and eating some of the most calorie rich foods ever.  I love standing in the kitchen with my mother, putting together various casseroles, reading over different recipes we’d like to try, and baking up wonderful desserts.  Every Thanksgiving I find a new recipe I want to try. Sometimes it turns out great, sometimes not so much. 

So, things I’m thankful for:

-The wonderful memories of past Thanksgivings shared with all of my family members.

-My parents – Tim and Patti, who put up with all of my moody quirks, my rollercoaster-like emotions, my insecurities, etc.  They have been my solid foundation in a world where the walls haven’t been real stable.

-My sister - Lizzy, for hanging out with me and being one of the best friends I could ever ask for.  I’m glad our relationship has only gotten stronger through the years. I can also tie my brother in law – David into this, because he’s been a great friend as well.  When we all hang out, I have a blast.   

-My brother - Andy, for being the true definition of what brothers should be.  I know he’s here for me in all the ways I need him.  I don’t get to see him much, but when I do, it is a true blessing.

-My 3 nieces - Abi, Anna, and Andi Mae and my nephew – Justus.  They are four of the most amazing kiddo’s and keep me smiling.  I also don’t get to see them much, so every moment with them is a pure blessing. 

-My wonderful grandparents – Troy and Betty Tate, and Floyd and Margaret Triggs, who are all now in heaven. Without these four wonderful adults in my life, I wouldn’t have many of the things I do today.  I am extremely blessed to have four role models to try and follow.  I don’t know what I’d do without them, and I know that even though they aren’t “here”, that they are always with me.

-I am thankful for family in general.  When it comes down to it, they are the ones likely to stick by you when everyone else goes away.  You don’t get to choose your family, and somehow I still got stuck with some pretty amazing people.  I love each and every one of you.  There’s too many to list, but you all know who you are.

-I am thankful for my friends.  Many have come in and out of my life, but a few have stuck around for long term.  Even the short-term friends I am thankful for.  I’ve met some pretty interesting and amazing people along the way, and have learned something new from each of them.  God bless you guys!

-I am thankful for the roof over my head and the food in my refrigerator.  I am thankful for the fact that I am able to attend Texas Tech University and study in a degree that I enjoy and hope to make a future out of.  I am thankful that I can wake up in the morning and choose to worship my amazing God without having to hide it.  I am thankful that I can be me.

-I can’t forget my German Shepherd, Wyatt.  He’s the best dang dog I could ever ask for.  He’s always there when I just need a friend to lean on.  His big brown eyes stare at me with unconditional love, regardless of the situation. 

-I am thankful for all of the bad days, just so I can really appreciate the good ones that come along. I am thankful for all of the people who have wronged me, just to cling to those who treat me with respect and honesty. It’s a good way to turn the negativity around using reverse psychology.

-I am just thankful.  I need to remember to thank God every day for what I do have, rather than focus on what I don’t.  Things really aren’t that bad.

I hope whoever reads this has a safe and wonderful holiday season.  Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and may 2012 bring you the best of luck and happiness! 

Trust, Positivity, Saying Goodbye

            I have gotten behind on my blogging, and for the few who do read it, they are probably saying, “What’s new? You always do.” While I’m only taking 12 hours of courses this semester, it has been one of the most trying.  It is my senior year and I’m really busting my tail end to make the dean’s list and really take names during my last final weeks on the Texas Tech campus.

            Tonight, I’m really not sure what to write about, I just know that I need to.  Life has really come at me full force.  A quote that I have learned to live by in these past few weeks is:

“You gotta have bad days so you can appreciate the good ones.”

            I guess I can say that things really haven’t been that “bad.”  At least I can say that the good has outweighed the bad.  I’ve had a few people come into my life and really test my already fragile trust issues.  To put it mildly, I question why these people were even brought into my life, only to betray me and walk out as if it had never happened.  I questioned God and wanted to know WHY? I was flying so high and then found myself face first in the ground.  I started living with the belief that when I am happy, don’t get used to it, because something will come along like a whirlwind and blow it all away. Truth is, we will never understand why certain people come in and out of our lives.  God has a reason, even if it never makes sense to us.  There’s always a reason, and I need to remember that, even if it has left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I’ve spent a lot of time praying and soul searching.  Before this all happened, I was thriving – I was a strong woman who was becoming more positive and happy by the day.  I’ve prayed to God to allow me to get back to the person that I was before.  Why not just revert back to it?  I know it’s going to take time, but eventually I’ll get there.  As I have described it to others… I’m like a drug addict who relapsed back to my old negative ways and now I’ve gotta be strong to get over it and get back on track, away from this derailment that has turned my world upside down.  One thing that will take years is being able to trust again.  It’ll be hard to tear down that wall.

I can't make people be in my life who don't want to be.  All I want is a little kindness to at least have the closure.  Some people can't man up and do that, so I have to tell myself that it's God's way of exterminating the negativity out of my life.  I have to let Him be in the driver's seat and trust that he is leading me down the path I should be on.  Let go and let God. 

“Accentuate the positive.”

I need to focus on the good things in my life right now and forget about recent events.  Easier said than done, I know, but what makes a person strong is their ability to move forward and not forget their past, but push through and learn from it.  Chalk it all up to learning experiences.  I feel hypocritical. As I write this, I feel the pain drudging up from deep inside of me.  Sometimes it’s very hard to take your own advice.  What I need is someone to slap some sense into me.  Just a good, hard wake up call.  Snap out of it, Jess. You’ve got a lot going for you! Here I am, talking to myself. Hah.

One thing I’ve heard of doing is when you get those negative thoughts in your mind, envision a stop sign to try and bring them to a halt.  I haven’t honestly tried it yet, so I’m not sure how effective it is.

So, to accentuate the positive - I’m alive and breathing.  I was able to get out of bed this morning.  I have the freedom to get my education at the university level at a school that I have dreamed about graduating from since I was a child. Oh, I was also declared a graduation candidate at this school as of yesterday.  My projected graduation date is May 19, 2012. After all the years I have spent in school, you have no idea how sweet this was to my ears. I have a roof over my head.  I have food in the refrigerator.  I have a loving, caring family that loves me for who I am, flaws, quirks, annoying habits, and all.  To me, family is the foundation of everything, so that is the most positive thing I could ever think about in my life. 

Time.  Getting over emotional pain takes time.  Developing my trust in mankind again will take time. I just have to remember that each person that comes into my life is different, and I don’t need to compare them to anyone who has treated me like garbage in the past.  Life is too short to wake up angry.  Look in the mirror and say that today WILL be a GOOD day!

I definitely need to practice what I preach. 

“I’m alive and I’m free, who wouldn’t wanna be me?”

"Holding resentment against someone is allowing them to live rent free in your head."

Remembering 9.11.01 - 10 Years Later

            As the whole world knows, today is the 10^th anniversary of the terrorist attacks on America at the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and United Flight 93.  We all have our stories of where we were that day and what was going through our minds as we watched news footage of what was transpiring on that September morning. 

Many people will see this and roll their eyes and think, “Oh gosh, here’s another one of those blogs.”  I’ve even heard people make comments about all of the 9/11 documentaries that are coming on, one after the other, all weekend long and wonder why people watch them.  To me, that’s one way that I can honor the victims.  Seeing the footage and hearing survivors and family member’s stories is a way to show that we will never forget that day.

I was just a junior in high school on September 11, 2001.  A junior in a small town here in Texas, far far away from New York City. I usually don’t talk about this much in fear of people ridiculing me, but I can honestly say that something did feel weird that morning. I’ve talked to my mom about the feelings I had. Other than her, it rarely comes up.

 The first plane hit at 8:46AM, which meant it was 7:46 here in Texas.  I was heading off to school at this time.  I remember taking my backpack out to my car and just having this overwhelming feeling. The sun was just barely rising, so it was still somewhat dark outside.  It’s really hard to explain.  I didn’t hear about the attacks until I had gotten to school and was in my first class.  It was a web design class and my teacher said something about the World Trade Center being bombed.  I was confused.  I had a small idea of what the WTC was, but wasn’t 100% on what was going on.  Several other classes in the school were going to the library to watch news footage.  At that time, we didn’t have TV’s in every classroom.  I asked my teacher if we could go watch and let’s just say, I won’t comment on the negativity.  She didn’t let us go to the library, enough said.

My second period class was US History, and the teacher was also my basketball coach.  He instantly let us go to the library, where I remember spending pretty much the rest of the day.  Tons of students and teachers crowded around TV’s in various parts of the room, where only standing room was available.  I remember standing there watching, my best friend Jo’ana at my side, still confused.  I noticed things falling from the building, thinking it was debris, when a teacher pointed out that it was people plummeting to their death below.  I’ll never forget the terror I felt in seeing that happening on live television, right in front of the entire school, packed and cramped in our small library.  In our innocent world in our small town, we didn’t really know of things such as terrorism.

We had open campus for lunch and Jo’ana and I stopped at McDonalds.  They had the radio playing over a loud speaker and it was news reports on what was going on.  I was so sick to my stomach that I don’t even think I ate lunch that day.  We had cross-country running practice that afternoon.  Coach Neighbors took us out to Coleman Park where we ran the back roads near the landfill and finished off on the course in the park.  I guess to the teachers, keeping the students on as normal of a schedule was their way of trying to keep everything calm, aside from allowing us to watch the news all day.  I remember running down one of the secluded roads along with my teammates, and all of us pretty much slow jogging when we heard what sounded like a plane above us.  We all got nervous and looked up to the sky.  I don’t think it was a plane, since all flights in the US had been grounded for the first time in our nation’s history.  For some reason I can’t remember what it was, but it was a loud noise that freaked all of us out.  We finished up our workout but none of us put in good times, and Coach Neighbors ended the practice early.

I was nervous for my parents as well.  My father is a paramedic and at that time, my mom worked as a dispatcher for the sheriff’s office.  Since no one knew what was really going on, all first responders and people working for emergency offices had to be on stand by, ready to go in at any time.  I think I remember my mom saying that if it came down to that, they couldn’t take both of them in and leave my sister and I stranded.

The next few weeks consisted of watching the news constantly.  The National Anthem took on a whole new meaning.  We no longer stood with our minds wondering as the song played, anticipating the start of the game or whatever event we were at.  We all stood proud, listening to EVERY word of that anthem, letting it settle deep inside our hearts as tears formed in the corners of our eyes.   Flags were left flying in people’s yards constantly, no longer just reserved for holidays.  People seemed friendlier.  We were all more open about our feelings. 

It’s a shame that it took something so tragic to “change” people.  For several years America was in an extreme patriotic mode.  I finally made it to ground zero in June of 2004, three years after the attacks.  Most of the rubble and debris was gone, but a huge gaping hole was there, surrounded by construction barricades and hard hat areas.  The skyline also had a gaping hole in it where the twin towers once stood.  I leaned against the fence and wept.  There were makeshift memorials for many of the victims.  I was glad I went to pay my respects, but it was probably one of the most solemn and sorrowful experiences I’ve ever endured in my life. 

We also stopped by several firehouses in the city.  In every station we stopped at, there were pictures up of men who had lost their lives that morning.  There was definitely emptiness present.  Even a few firehouses kept a candle lit in honor of their fallen brothers and sisters who never came home. 

I can’t believe ten years has passed.  I think about that day a lot.  It will forever be etched in my memory.  One thing that we, as Americans tend to do is fall back into that rut of thinking that we are untouchable and invincible.  9/11 was a wakeup call, but sometimes I feel that we are slowly losing the realization of how vulnerable anyone can be.  I feel that watching those documentaries, writing out your memories of where you were, reflecting and praying, are all beneficial ways we cannot allow ourselves to take things for granted.  I’m not saying you have to go out and gush your feelings to just anyone, but remember that keeping everything bottled inside probably isn’t the best thing you could do to yourself.  We have to carry the honor on for all of those who can’t. We have to REMEMBER and NEVER forget!


In remembrance of:

2,977 victims in the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and the 3 airplane flights


United Flight 93

343 FDNY Firefighters

15 FDNY EMT’s

23 NYPD Police Officers

37 Port Authority Police Officers